Irisdescent

Posted byuniversetime4319Posted inlove, pain, lessonTags:, , , , , , , ,

Standing at the edge of the unknown,

How did I get here? How do I know?

In front of me is spacious darkness, a picture unpainted

Behind me are the roads diverged, choices made, consequences I faced

Stuck in the middle, in between

In the beginning, love was infinite, yet in the moment

Peace, happiness, home, alive, stability, contentment

Another moment was anger, confusion, blame, chaos

Ebbs and flows, what moment could stay in permanence?

When it keeps being transient?

The resolution of that story became a tragedy

At the cost of love, I decided to forget who I was

To acquire the transformation of rhapsody

Living life to reject myself

Tips the scales of the latter more than the former

The ebbs and flows were in disorder

Nothing else is permanent except the feelings

Loneliness, darkness, sadness,

Blue, disconnect, anger, greed, selfishness

An endless cycle of self-destruction

Not out of love, but out of hate or fear

Only when I start to choose myself again with my ability

I rise above

Into a repeating cycle of love

Infinity, beginnings, peace, happiness, home, alive, stability

Endings, Anger, confusion, blame, chaos, inability

What if I say love isn’t permanence in permanence,

But permanence in the impermanence

What if ebbs and flows are the chords of God?

And living in surrender to it is what love is as a rod?

Not in judgment, but in acceptance

In growth, expansion, and freedom

Of what it brings with patience

The new cycle is me loving the old version of me

Maybe the cost of letting the old go, letting them be free

Is not to judge the hurt of goodbye, but to accept that a different choice

The choice is no longer to reject myself,

But to fully accept myself

As anew

Even if it costs everything but me

Love is not measured by what is outside of me,

But by what I value inside of me

And making a conscious choice of love versus fear

And choosing to break the cycle of trying to tear

By living with the consequences

In gratitude for what I held dear

So, standing forward in the unknown

Is a brush of what one believes could not be known

But of an art of what I could create

Creating the blank canvas of darkness

Into a bounty of love and lightness

All it takes is one step toward

Expression, freedom of what I could bring to art

Alive to the universe of my own divinity

Published by universetime4319

My name is Justin Klein-Edgerton. I am a 33-year-old deaf man residing in Hopkinton MA. I grew up all for 28 years in California with two families, worked as a teacher, and moved to Phoenix shortly after. It wasn't for two years before moving in Massachusetts. There was a question that one psychology professor asked me that I would never forget. He said that there must be one unique, interesting statement about us that define our life. He asked us to give that statement when introducing myself. I thought long and hard when he mentioned it. He only requested that we do not explain until if there was anyone who wants to know more, to ask after class. I did not want to mention my birth situation or talk about it, but after some thinking, it always comes back to that one thought. I felt that I could not not mentioned it at all. When it was my turn, I said my name and I said, "My life was changed forever before it even started." He looked at me perplexed. "I am sorry, I never heard anyone said that before. Can you elaborate?" knowing that he broke his own rule. I hesitated. Other people wanted to know. There is a long version that I want to make it a book about my journey with what happened with my birth someday. In order to do that, I need to be known by people around me, make connections, and build up my reputation positively. The past few years in my 20s were not something I was proud of doing. I aim to change that; to be a better person. For now, I decided to write a blog about my thoughts, my experiences, short stories that inspire me in those moments, etc. I want you, the reader, to help me improve to be a better writer by giving good criticism, feedbacks, compliments, advice, comments, etc., and that I would want to share what was on my mind and stories I had in my head to the world. With your help, I can achieve my goal of writing that memoir someday. This blog would have a theme of inspiration and adoption. I already had a thought about a young adult novel related to adoption that I hope to start the process soon. For now, I am excited to start on this journey with you.

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