This is the most difficult sort of eulogy and writing because it is about my older sister Serrina Edgerton. I never expected her to be gone this soon from all of us. We were also dealing with another passing of our family, Aunt Vicki. Those losses are indescribable and are overbearing to many of us in our family who knew them both. Both are amazing souls who had enriching lives by the choices that they made and by the lemons that life handed us. They both made lemonade and touched many of our lives in small or enormous ways, yet significant. Today, we are celebrating the life of our beloved, Serrina Edgerton.
For me, I don’t remember how I met Serrina obviously because I was just an infant. However, I believed that she welcomed me into this family with open arms. I remember seeing a picture of me and Serrina. She was holding me, and she put her hand on my face. Apparently, I didn’t mind, but I remember thinking, “What are you doing, Serrina? You should be putting your arms around me”. Serrina has limited mobility so I could not blame her for that, but every time we hugged growing up, it was a big sister’s hug: warm, sweet, loving, protective, and caring. I think in some ways, it felt like the first time she hugged me when we met and held me.
Part of Serrina’s identity was her cerebral palsy. It caused her to have limited mobility. There were many things that she may not be able to do, but it doesn’t mean that we couldn’t give her the accommodations to do the things that she can do. I grew up remembering her in the wheelchair. She was always checking on everyone in the house or outside of the house. There were times when I was reading a book, playing video games, watching television, and back when I had some hearing, I could hear this loud bang. It startled me and I looked to see that it was Serrina opening the door wide with her hand and wheelchair. She would say “Hi, hi, hi!” in this nice, unique voice. I laughed for a bit. She was friendly but she could come out randomly and scare you a bit like that. I remember thinking I would expect it, but I never could expect her to come to my room anytime or play outside and see her there. I remember our mom Elaine telling me a story about how Serrina got the electric wheelchair. Her insurance and doctor didn’t think it was beneficial, but my mom did. She wanted to give that Serrina that freedom. Our mom would appeal and do a little test or experiment to prove them wrong: Serrina would do a temporary electric wheelchair, go to the Walmart to get a specific item with a 20 dollars bill, buy it and bring it back with the exact change. Serrina did exactly that and proved them wrong. They got approved. My mom was thrilled. Serrina was elastic! That made me think that Serrina would not have had that freedom if our mom didn’t fight for us like that.
I was not always the best brother and that was understandable. We all have our disabilities, but it was hard to find common grounds at times when it was challenging to understand each other, and we were left to our own things at times. However, our mom was not having that. She developed a tradition for as long as I could remember. Our mom would take us on trips such as Marine World, which is now called the Discovery Kingdom, Disneyland, Sea World, etc. My favorite memory was when we went with Aunt Ginny, her kids Tori and Jared, on a trip to Disneyland. We were on various rides, but there were certain rides we joined together. I loved the ride we went on a boat called, “It is a small world”. It was slow and I could swear that the ride was broken down in the middle and we were hearing this song it is a small world. I remember looking at my family and seeing Serrina dancing in her own way. She loved that song. She loved music. When she listened to her favorite music, she would rock her head back and forth and put her arm up and down slowly, but in her own special way. I would call it now the Serrina dance. Seeing her doing that dance made me smile. I looked to our families like Marsha, Mom, and others and I knew where this is where I belonged. This family. Our mom never failed to remind us that we are a family who loved each other anyway across the universe.
Our mom was always the host for an early or belated Christmas weekend with the whole Edgerton family as well. She would invite her children and their families over to see us and we would all just be together talking, laughing, playing games, opening presents, eating meals, and so on. Our mom would invite people if they could for Easter, and Thanksgiving holidays as well. Sometimes for the summer. Our mom made sure that we got together as a family to remind us that despite that we all may be different, we are a family full of love, joy, and laughter. Each of those times together was precious.
Serrina was smart. She knew things that many of us would not think she would know. I remember hearing stories that she would listen to books such as the Twilight series or other books that may have some sexual content. The people at the group home were horrified and did not want Serrina to listen to that kind of content as they prefer G-rated. However, my mom who knows Serrina more than anyone here in the room, know that Serrina knew about sex and fought for her right to listen to those type of books. My mom did not say this from word to word. I am paraphrasing but she had a good point she brought up: “Who said that we have to limit people with disabilities to G-rated stuff? Serrina is smart enough to know what sex means.” She can understand the subject or topic you would tell her, but it was hard for her to express herself verbally. That was her advantage, however. When people think she would not understand, she was always listening. She probably would know all our secrets and she kept it to herself. She did have alternative communication and so talking to her like Serrina’s age at any point would be good for her. I wish I can know some opinions or have a stimulating long conversation with her. I know I will one day.
She was empathic. She knew what kind of energy, feelings, and emotions you would bring to the room. She loved, she cared, she cried, she laughed, and she would be with you whenever you were feeling those emotions. I remember one time when I was an older kid that I was upset about something. I don’t remember what, but I think as I was writing this, I was crying, and Serrina came to my room and saw me with tears in her eyes. She had this cloth to help with her slobbering and even though it was a bit dirty with her slobbering already, she came up to me and handed it to me as a gesture. I told her then that thank you, but it already had her salvia on it and denied it. I was still crying and asked her to leave, but she stayed. She stayed. After a few minutes, I just tried to distract her by saying something, walking her around the house because I didn’t want to cry any longer around her. Then I realized as I took her around and came back to my room, that I had forgotten that I was crying or sad. Looking back, it was a grand gesture of what she did with the cloth and staying with me. Serrina even knew what it was like losing people as well because she lost some friends and roommates at the care home. She is human, more human than anyone I could think of right now.
She knew I was drinking heavily after college. The first time I visited her after college, I was sober. However, I heavily drank every night and woke up with a hangover. It was something I was accustomed to. When I saw her for the first time in college after a few years, she looked like she barely recognized me. She was even upset when she saw me. I thought she didn’t remember me. I thought I would have to try harder. So, I visited her often, even after I had a major car accident. I still took public transportation to see her in Redding, California. It was a bit better, but I could tell she did not like me that much as I still did those drinking habits at night. I still talked to her about my life problems and listened to hers, trying to advocate for her. I had good trips at those times and met wonderful people on my way to see her and back. However, some part of me knew that my drinking was bad, especially when seeing her face every time. I did not want to admit it to her or to myself.
The last time I saw her in person, I was a year sober. It was when the pandemic was at that time was lessening before it got worse during the summer. I was in town for my birth grandfather’s birthday and decided to visit family around for a week. Seeing Serrina again, it was the first time in years that I really saw her smiling, happy to see me. Then it hit me right then and there. She knew I was drinking; she knew my energy was bad before and that was not me. Seeing me again, she knew then and now I am Justis again or Justin in her eyes. She even laughed. It was the highlight of that month. I talked to her, telling her my plans for Boston and that I hope I can make her proud of me as her little brother by thriving myself there. I still aim to do that when I am there. We even did video chat once a month or so when we could.
I knew there are more to Serrina. I knew when she did the wheelchair experiment that our mom and Serrina were advocating for herself and her disability rights. I knew that Serrina accomplished important things in her life that not many people in her and my condition could do. I think in small ways and big ways that I looked up to what Serrina was doing when I was living with the Edgerton family. I see her fighting for what she wants and what she needed and I must have felt inspired. I then worked my hardest my whole life trying to fight not just for myself, but for other people with cerebral palsy. We wanted to tell people that despite the limits in our lives, we can still do many things. We wanted to break those stereotypes and myths that were false about people with disabilities. We wanted to make people think that there is more to us than they think. What if they treated us like everyone else and give us the accommodations and modifications that we need? If they can do that, then we can do anything and everything that would be possible for us. Those people should give us a chance to try to see and experiment on how we can go around our limits. I also wanted people to not just give us those approaches, but we worked hard to meet them halfway, the least they can do is work as hard as much as we did. Serrina taught me that; Serrina inspired me to do that every single day. I just never knew that until after she was gone. I wanted to thank her and tell her how much I loved her. I wanted us to keep trying to talk to each other and meet those in our family with disabilities halfway as much as we did for you.
Serrina, thank you! Thank you for the lessons you left behind. Thank you for your accomplishments. Thank you for your loving soul. Thank you for touching every one of our lives. I know you are here with us in our hearts, and we would always remember you. This is not goodbye; I am just going to say: until we meet again!
Justis' MultiStories 